Ha! "It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. I don't know if we can afford to break a window." A man accidentally killed his wife on a golf course near me a couple of years back. “I had a terrible round today,” the golfer told his wife. As he was looking around he hears "FORE!" The ones included here are longer jokes, more of the "story" kind of golf joke. The husband ran off saying, “I’ll go get some help.” Wife: "If I die before you would you remarry?" In the mood for a laugh? He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn’t start his backswing. "A mulligan is a second chance to perform an action, usually after the first chance went wrong through bad luck or a blunder. Golfer: "I think I will go drown myself in that lake." Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Computers don’t laugh at 3.5″ floppies. "John," she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. What's your name?". Here is a collection of golf puns, one-liners and other short funnies. If you want faster laughs, then check out the collection of golf one-liners and shorter funnies . Laugh. Best golf jokes: R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Four retired men play golf together once a week for many years. GolfJokes.com is the leading golf humor and blog site. ... "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "What I don't understand," the coroner continued, "is the one on A guy will search for a golf ball. She's never played, so he tells her to go down to the ladies tees, watch him … Like. Long Golf Joke. Welcome to Great Golf Jokes. If you play at it, it’s recreation. "She won't know anything. Without the guy being able to thing twice about it she pulls down his pants and starts massaging his balls. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. Now she feels bad... "Oh my God! A couple whose passion had waned saw a marriagecounselor and went through a number of appointments that brought littlesuccess. thumb_up 1. She was standing up by the women's tee on the 4th hole when he sliced the ball hard, striking her in the head. He gets hit by a ball, puts his hands between his legs and keels over yelling in pain. By the way, where is she?". Short funny golf jokes - one liners ! As a couple approaches the altar, the groom tells his wife-to-be, “Honey, I’ve got something to confess: I’m a golf nut, and every chance I get, I’ll be playing golf!” “Since we’re being honest,” replies the bride, “I have to tell you that I’m a hooker.” The groom replies, “That’s okay, honey. A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. and the following Sunday finds them on the first tee. keeps bugging him to take her along and teach her to play. Miguel and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up … Wife: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" He said, "Oh no! For the past 30 days, I have been sharing an Irish joke every day on my Facebook page.. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction they would get, surprisingly the jokes reached over 1 million people!. Golf Cart Jokes. Wife: "Would you even let her use my golf clubs?" We had better go ask how much it's gonna be." GolfJokes.com-March 11, 2020. she asks. She was standing up by the women's tee on the 4th hole when he sliced the ball hard, striking her in the head. There's an imprint on her temple, and you can read "Titlist her hip that says "Titleist 3." Funny can be good: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? One ... Best golf jokes: Caddiesmack. “There” he said to the husband, “That’s what she needs everyMonday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday”. Why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to a 5 or 6. I once took my balls out at t-time. The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. She's never played, so he tells her to go down to the ladies tees, watch him Great Golf Jokes are the “material” for our One-Man Acts on the Golf Course and at the 19th Hole - and we can all use more of that!! The ball was sitting about 2-feet in front of the tee markers. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. The autopsy revealed that his wife, enigmatically, also had a golf ball stuck in her rectum. Find the best golf jokes if your friend is pushing you to play this boring game. "How does this feel?" ", "Goddamn right it was. The funniest sub on reddit. He played golf every chance he got; in the rain, in the cold, he even used black balls to play when there was snow on the ground. "Oh," the guy replied, "that was my mulligan. Just ask my ex -wives. ", © The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So I thought it would be only fair to include these Irish jokes in a big blog post. A man accidentally killed his wife on a golf course near me a couple of years back. So in that spirit, we offer the 124 Great Jokes to be found in the table below. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. 30. Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. The husband was set to tee off as his wife was waiting for her turn in the cart. And the man replied, "Ya, I … A big list of golf cart jokes! So he and his wife go up to the house and see the door open. Strap yourselves in – it's golf's funniest jokes. Suddenly at one session the counselor grabbed the wife and kissed herpassionately. His wife joked, half in jest, that she was a golf widow and she really wouldn't miss her husband all that much if he died before her, for he was never around anyhow. “Well,” replied the husband, “I canbring her in on Mondays and Wednesdays bu… Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. “I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake.” ~~~~~ A golfer was hitting a ball from the first hole in front of the clubhouse. Golf Jokes and Jokes about Golf. Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. A $100 bill. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us. Haha maybe she's just been working the pecs. ... A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. Not sure if I should be sad, or laughing. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" Wife’s Golf Shot. Its best-known meaning is in golf". You know it's too wet to play golf … Apparently that's very rude in England. I slapped my wife on the bum and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice – her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. When questioned, the man replied, "That would be my mulligan." We were standing on the 4th tee and Chuck just grabs his chest, keels over and dies." That sounds like a joke Marty Funkhouser would tell. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. 29. He finally relents, and the following Sunday finds them on the first tee. Just click on each link and it will take you to that joke . "I have a confessions to make. the husband said. Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." That means that we have one-liners, two-liners and even a few three-liners.But mostly, it means the jokes here are of the short variety. For some reason my wires got crossed and this one took me a second, but then when I got it I laughed like an idiot. What does that mean? A hot young woman comes over and apologizes profusely for hurting him. Book. So there's this guy who golfs with his buddies every weekend, and his wife keeps bugging him to take her along and teach her to play. Best golf jokes: Clucking mad. his drive, and the ball hits his wife, killing her. You Can Golf. “Please dear, I need help,” she said. A golfer was having a terrible round – 20-over par for the front nine with scores of balls lost in water … If you work at it, it’s golf. So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" "Six giant, hairy tits growing up your back...". If you watch a game, it’s fun. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. When questioned, the man replied, "That would be my mulligan.". What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? Three words... Chuck Norris golf . You can make a lot of money in this game. Golf Jokes Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot. One of the guys shanked his ball into the trees, so he went to go and find it. Husband: "No, she's left-handed". Enjoy. I'm so sorry. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Husband: "No way, she is left handed." "You know honey?" A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. This was the joke I expected when I read the title. Related Jokes: Hilarious Joke: A Woman Joins A Country Club And Played Golf; Joke Of The Day: A Man Takes The Day Off Work; Naughty Joke: The Girl's Round of Golf Just Went Awry; Hilarious Dirty Bar Joke Of The Day: Smart Guy V/S Old Drunkard; Hilarious Dirty Joke Of The Day: 2 Women Were Playing Golf she asked the instructor. ", After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. Embarrassed and apologetic, they go over to the neighbours house and let themselves in. That's where I thought this one was going. Funny golfing short stories | Golf one-liners Read More » Caddie tips After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Bob is on his way home from the 18 th having a chat with his Caddie. She goes down to the reds, the guy hooks Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! ", "Don't be silly!" A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck. A fella and his friends were out golfing. ", "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Read funny golf jokes and best golf jokes on Jokerz. Might Be The Wine Talking… A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Photos and Memes. Heart Attack “A husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. Caddy: It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? … That must have been a horrible experience. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands works. Golf Jokes  The Perfect Husband. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later. Ex Wife Golf Joke. Share. The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. Bob stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Golf. Great Golf One-liners Classic Golf Joke Funny Golf Stories Golfing Quotes Top 10 Golf Caddy Comments Great Golf One-liners: … Clean Golf jokes. Caddy: "I don't think so sir. and thwack! ", I want this to be the top comment on every post to r/Jokes, I'm almost certain I laughed harder at this than I have at any joke on this subreddit, Husband and wife on the golf course. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Drag Chuck. One day a funeral procession drives by the course. Marriage Joke: A Husband and Wife Were Golfing A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?” The husband said, “No sweetie.” The woman said, “I’m sure you would.” . If you are searching for jokes on golf and golf jokes women, jokes about golf women.Most famous golf jokes on woman and collection of women golf jokes.. So there's this guy who golfs with his buddies every weekend, and his wife His wife tees off and breaks the biggest window of the most expensive looking house. The husband said, "No sweetie." Jimmy Stewart tells a joke about a wife who asks her husband if he would remarry if she were to die. 20 of them, in fact! I'm reading all these jokes in an Irish accent. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! This reminds me of another golf joke I know. Sounds like the adrenacrone scene from Fear and Loathing. . That would be too much of a coincidence." she says. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! I was weak. "Here, let me help!" The husband has his lesson first. It's (fortunately) been quite a few years since I took a good hit the nether regions (knock on wood, no pun intended), but I'm pretty sure when you get hit in the nads you don't want anyone to be fondling them. Out of the blue, … Worst fucking round of my life! I’ll be adding, other short golf jokes over the coming months so if you like the style of humor below, there’ll be more coming soon.